Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew

I’m a little bit torn about Dr. Drew. On the one hand, if you listen to Loveline, the guy tends to give people—especially kids—some pretty solid, no-nonsense advice. (Yes, I’m aware of the criticisms—particularly that he basically blames every girl’s problem on sexual abuse.) Still, I want to think he’s altruistic. And then I remember my season watching and reporting on Celebrity Rehab, the purely exploitive reality show masquerading as some sort of truly helpful thing. It’s bullshit, and to realize that you need only look at the title of Dr. Drew’s new spinoff: Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew. They might as well just call it Losers You Maybe Sort Of Recognize Whoring Themselves Out In Every Sense Of The Word.

The “maybe sort of recognize” part is key to this show, too: Looking at a list of the so-called celebs, I honestly don’t recognize a single one. Maybe it’s because I’m not tapped into the porn actress/Miss Teen USA/washed-up metal drummer world, but calling these people celebrities stretches the definition like some of the ladyparts found herein. By which I means it stretches them a lot.

And you know what? I don’t feel bad saying that, because almost everything about this show is meant to be titillating. I’m sure Dr. Drew can sleep at night thinking that he’s just using the “sex” part of “sex rehab” to lure people in and then teach them something, but I call bullshit. Two minutes into the first episode and they’ve already shown lipstick lesbians making out, strippers, and a woman giggling and asking to be tied to a bed. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not against any of those things, but it’s just such a setup. As with Celebrity Rehab, these people were clearly told to bring in video of themselves acting out their addiction, which the show can use to break up the footage of Hollywood F-listers crying and having epiphanies they’ll quickly forget. It’d be pitiable if it weren’t so mercenary. It’s just vastly, immediately hypocritical, and it’s hard to believe the producers and creators don’t know that.

Oh, four paragraphs in and I haven’t even introduced you to the cast. Check out these instantly recognizable names! Penny Flame, James Lovett, Nicole Narain, Kari Ann Peniche, Kendra Jade, Duncan Roy, Amber Smith, Phil Varone—each one you associate with smashing success, both artistic and commercial, right?

A brief introduction is in order, then, which is what the first episode offered. (Later, we’re promised physical altercations, lots of flirting, some failure, and maybe a little bit of learning and human growth of the non-penis kind—just to satisfty the storylines if nothing else.) So there’s Peniche, a model who has a huge vibrator collection, which she stacks up in a pile huge. I can’t imagine the scent. There’s Flame, a porn star who loves fucking but nothing else that goes along with it, and who can’t have an intimate relationship. (Both of those women try to “sneak in” vibrators when CLEARLY they were either told not to bring them, or were told to bring them so they could have them taken away on camera.) Every word from Flame’s mouth seems designed to further her porn career post-rehab. Or maybe I’m just being uncharitable—reality TV will do that to you.

Only three dudes are in the house, because, hey, dudes just like to get laid, and it’s not an emotional problem, amirite? Gawd, who cares with a couple of wet fish like former Skid Row drummer Phil Varone (who says things like, “I was doing three, four, five a day” and “I’m a rock star!”) and surfer James Lovett. Lovett is just a goofy kid who can’t stop fucking and jerking off, but he’s also 22. At least there’s something darker under the surface for film director Duncan Roy, who spent some time in jail after his only successful movie (AKA, never seen it) and is basically addicted to Internet boy-porn.

Nicole Narain: former Playboy playmate noted for fucking Colin Farrell. She says, “There was one day where I literally masturbated 18 times in one day.” Kendra Jade is known for being in a sex tape with Jerry Springer, being engaged briefly to Aaron Carter, and being married to the winner of Rock Star: Supernova. She says, “What if Dr. Drew wants to play with me?” by which she means fuck her.

But Dr. Drew won’t do that. He has to play the role of the concerned elder, even though he knows in his heart of hearts that at least half of these people (and more likely all) are here to feed their real addiction: fame, and the lifestyle that comes with it if you’re lucky. He’s ready to enforce rules like, “no flirting, no sex, no masturbation,” but not ready to take the logical step of NOT HAVING MEN AND WOMEN ROOM NEXT TO EACH OTHER. (Nobody would watch that, right? Unless there was lots of potential lesbian action.)

Sigh. Excuse my indignation. I know it’s a TV show, and I am not above laughing at people for being stupid. It’s just that when it’s disguised as something altruistic—and, on top of that, it’s not entertaining—that I get annoyed. The odds of any of these people changing due to this show in any significant way—if indeed they even want to change—seems nil. The odds of airing their stupid shit on TV—even if it’s made up specifically for TV—as a means of actually helping them seems less than zero. So what’s left? The most base stupidity, dressed up in vibrators and comely stares, presented as some sort of helpful experience but really just intended as gawkable entertainment. At least straight-up pornography is honest.

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Hustle Up the Hancock February 28, 2010

Hustle Up the Hancock 2009 was considered a huge success, over 4,000 people climbed to the top of the John Hancock Center. Hustle Up the Hancock February 28, 2010 is set to be even better next year, where people have the chance to help raise money for lung disease research, advocacy and education.

Those who participate have the choice of doing the full or half climb. The full climb is 94 flights of stairs and the half climb is 52 flights of stairs. This certainly sounds like a tough thing to do, but the end game has to be worth every ounce of sweat.

This seem a little early to talk about the Hustle Up the Hancock for 2010, but you had best get your application in soon as the space fills up quick. Each climber starts off in 8 second intervals; both the full and half climbs are held simultaneously, but take place on different stairwells.

For those participants who manage to make the finish line, they are treated to a beautiful view of the Windy City. For more information on the Hustle Up the Hancock February 28, 2010, visit www.respiratoryhealthassociation.net

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It's a small field of candidates for such a huge race

Gavin Newsom's withdrawal from California gubernatorial race leaves Democrats with just one option -- Jerry Brown, who'll need to hoard his resources for a bruising battle with wealthy GOP contenders. Reporting from San Francisco - California has roughly 37 million residents and about 17 million registered voters. Of those, more than 7 million are declared Democrats.

But, for the moment at least, the party has only one serious candidate with a chance of being elected governor -- Atty. Gen. Jerry Brown, who, for the record, is not yet seeking the job. At least not officially.

The abrupt withdrawal Friday of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom has produced one of the strangest scenes that California -- home of the movie-star governor, the voter revolt, the cutting-edge ballot measure -- has seen in some time.

That is, an utter lack of meaningful competition for one of the most high-profile and important jobs in American politics.

True, there is a fierce struggle on the Republican side, where two enormously wealthy candidates are investing small chunks of their fortunes to win the GOP nomination. (The woefully underfunded Tom Campbell, armed with little more than a sheaf of substantive proposals and an almost terminal thoughtfulness, is struggling to compete.) But California is a Democratic state, by registration and inclination, and there is a strong presumption that the party's nominee in 2010 will at least start out with an advantage in the fall campaign.

So why, apart from Brown, is no one of serious stature running in the party's primary?

The answer speaks broadly to the nature of politics (it's a rough, nasty business), the challenge of seeking office in California (it's a big, expensive place to campaign) and, not least, the difficult times we're in. The next governor will probably face an awful mess.

"It's a thankless job right now," said Gale Kaufman, one of Sacramento's top Democratic strategists. "It's not just making California into whatever your vision is. It's really trying to just hang on in a horrible economic situation where all your choices are terrible choices."

Apart from those factors, Brown, although easily mocked for his eccentricities and quixotic presidential ambitions, brings a considerable set of assets to the Democratic contest, including wide name recognition, a healthy bank account, broad appeal among key Democratic constituencies and experience from repeated statewide campaigns. Brown is, in short, a formidable front-runner even if he is still technically just "exploring" a run for governor.

It is striking, and perhaps a bit embarrassing, that a party that celebrates youth, diversity and change has no choices, for now, beyond a 71-year-old white male who has been part of the political scene for 40 years. Not surprisingly, those most often raised as potential challengers have something different to offer.

Democratic Reps. Loretta Sanchez of Garden Grove and Jane Harman of Venice were said to be weighing the prospect of running even before Newsom dropped out.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein continues to lurk in the background, as she has in repeated gubernatorial contests since she first ran statewide in 1990. But barring a change of heart, Feinstein seems content to enjoy her senior status in Washington.

There is also considerable speculation about the possibility of some yet-unknown rich people throwing themselves and their hefty bankrolls into the Democratic contest. California has a long history of mogul-turned-candidates, most of them unsuccessful. Even now, former EBay executive Meg Whitman is struggling with the transition from boardroom to political ring as she fights for the GOP nod.

But that precedent never seems to scare people off; typically, one does not make huge piles of money by caving to self-doubt.

Still, it is telling that several of Brown's most credible Democratic challengers took themselves out of the running soon after Newsom's announcement. State Treasurer Bill Lockyer said through a spokesman that he plans to seek reelection. Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, passing on the governor's race a second time, indicated he would stay put at City Hall. Former state Controller Steve Westly, who spent a good amount of his high-tech fortune trying for the 2006 gubernatorial nomination, said he will keep to the sideline.

Money is a big consideration for anyone who can't self-fund a candidacy.

By most estimates, a serious primary contender needs upward of $10 million, and probably closer to $20 million or more, to be competitive. But the fundraising environment is dreadful, as Newsom discovered, thanks to the touch-and-go economy.

The main purpose of all that money is to gain name recognition, something increasingly difficult to acquire riding the Sacramento merry-go-round in this age of term limits. (Washington may as well be Mars for House members trying to gain statewide notice and, as Newsom found, municipal fame rarely translates statewide). Less time in office means less time to become known or achieve anything noteworthy -- which poses another problem for would-be gubernatorial candidates.

"Voters are a little chary of electing another novice," said USC political analyst Sherry Bebitch Jeffe. "Where are you going to get that experience? In one of those six-year Assembly people who have nowhere else to go? I don't think so."

Democrats often wage heart-and-soul primary battles that lay bare their candidates' policy and personality differences. But anticipating a race against one of two extremely rich Republicans, there is strong sentiment that Brown should remain free to husband his resources and avoid the inevitable scarring that comes with an intraparty fight.

"Some are saying, 'Let's leave him alone,' " said Art Torres, a former state party chairman.

That is a change for Democrats, and one many apparently believe in.

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JACK OF HIS TRADE

Like many of us, Scott Cully admits that carving a pumpkin is no easy task.

“Those things are a bear to carve,” the Eugene man said. “You’ve got to kind of hold them down. They’re always moving.”

Cully was talking about “normal-sized” pumpkins, the ones you buy at the grocery store, carve up and put on your porch this time of year. But pumpkins that weigh as much as a couple of pro football linemen — or an entire offensive line? Piece of (pumpkin) cake.

“Give me a big one anytime,” Cully said.

Take it from a guy who knows. Cully, 49, holds the Guinness Book of World Records mark for Largest Jack-o-Lantern.

In fact, he has set and broken that record five times in recent years, most recently two years ago when he carved what was then the world’s largest-ever pumpkin, 1,689 pounds just outside Providence, R.I.

That record (for world’s largest pumpkin) was broken this year by Christy and Nick Harp of Jackson Township, Ohio, who grew one that weighs 1,725 pounds.

Cully, 49, met the Harps when both he and they were on NBC’s “Today Show” on Oct. 17, and was invited to come and carve it in Ohio, and thus break his own record again. But a death in his family over the weekend back in his home state of Connecticut prevented that, Cully said.

Now, he and the grower he gets his massive pumpkins from, Kirk Mombert of Harrisburg, are hoping that the University of Oregon and ESPN’s College GameDay will let him carve two pumpkins on the pregame show this Saturday morning outside Autzen Stadium.

Cully, who is in Connecticut this week, said he hopes to return to Eugene to carve a “Duck” and a “Trojan.” But no one has responded to their request since they presentred the idea to the UO, Mombert said Tuesday.

“He loves to carve pumpkins,” Mombert said of Cully. Watching Cully at work, that is obvious.

Last Thursday, Cully — the general manager of the Fall Creek Nursery who moved his family in June to Eugene after 14 years in Ashland — carved a wicked looking jack-o-lantern with two faces in just 3½ hours at the Fifth Street Public Market out of a 700-pound pumpkin grown by Mombert.

Cully, who typically earns $2,000 for such carvings (minus his own expenses; large pumpkins are typically not cheap), was commissioned by ShelterCare, the Eugene nonprofit agency that provides services to the homeless and brain-injured, as a fundraiser, a preview to the market’s “Jack-O-Lanterns on 5th” event Saturday. (Cully did the carving for $400, a ShelterCare representative said.)

Cully began as a pumpkin grower in Connecticut in the mid-1980s. In 1985, he grew what that year was the world’s largest pumpkin at 550 pounds, which landed him on “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.”

“Pumpkins were a lot smaller back then,” Cully said.

Since then, pumpkin growers have been trying to outdo one another, meddling with genetics and hand-pollination. The day when a one-ton pumpkin arrives is not far off, said Mombert, who no longer enters competitions but has won the prestigious Half Moon (Calif.) Bay World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-off with 1,000-pound-plus gourds.

In 1988, Cully and his wife, Imy, decided to try carving one of their giant Connecticut pumpkins, about a 400-pounder, Cully recalled.

“My wife and I had a couple of bottles of hard cider and some knives, and it was a beautiful New England afternoon and, bada bang! — we did this three-dimensional carving,” Cully said. When they moved to Oregon in 1993, the Cullys gave up growing pumpkins. But he has never stopped carving the world’s largest.

He even got to carve one for Vice President Al Gore in 1999 at his residence in Washington, D.C., after Cully and some other well-known carvers were invited to Gore’s annual Halloween party. “That was a blast,” Cully recalled.

Nowadays, Cully gets invited to carve massive pumpkins all over the United States, sometimes even in Canada and Europe, at private parties, shopping malls, promotional events and the like. His designs often draw oohs and ahs and lots of questions as he goes at it, twirling his knives like a maestro conducting an orchestra.

How much does that thing weigh?

What do you practice on?

How did you begin doing this — were you a sculptor?

“I do this for fun,” Cully said, kneeling down and carving away with his favorite tool, a simple 3-inch paring knife. “It keeps me in the pumpkin-growing community that I was a part of once, and that’s a blast.”

He also does it for the influence it has on children, he said. “I do this to show what can be done with pumpkins, especially for children. To really show that you can be creative, without any fancy training, without any fancy tools. That’s probably the most rewarding part of this for me, to see a kid who actually listens and takes it upon himself to carve a pumpkin. It doesn’t have to be a huge pumpkin, just any pumpkin.”

His message to parents? “Get off the couch. Go out to the farm stores. Get yourself some pumpkins — and carve them. And if you really want your kids to be good at it, you need to carve more than one pumpkin a year. Get one every weekend between the end of September and Halloween. Set some time aside to spend with your kids.”

Cully’s own children, Rose, an Eighth-grader at Eugene’s O’Hara Catholic School, and Patrick, a freshman at Willamette University in Salem, “are excellent carvers,” he said. “They love it,” he said. “They’ve seen an awful lot of (carving), I’ll tell you that.”

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San Jose police arrest sex offender who allegedly frequented school

San Jose police this week arrested a registered sex offender for allegedly failing to disclose his status while repeatedly visiting a local elementary school, possibly mingling with students during and after school hours.

Jeffrey David Minkin, 46, of San Jose, was arrested Wednesday after police conducted an investigation into his activities around Farnham Elementary school in San Jose's Cambrian Elementary School District. Police said Minkin had been seen in late August repeatedly going to the school, and was believed to be in contact with students, violating restrictions on registered sex offenders.

San Jose police also said Minkin had been hosting "sleepovers" with juveniles at his San Jose home, although there was no evidence of inappropriate contact.

He was formally charged with being a registered sex offender making an unlawful entry on to school grounds.

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