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Ask Amy: Where should boy, 5, change at pool?

Monday, September 28, 2009

I have noticed that a lot of parents let their kids change into their swimwear right in front of everyone.

I never let my son walk around naked at home, and I certainly don't want him to be naked in public.

I was taught that certain body parts must remain covered at all times, and I have raised my son the same way.

He has asked me why girls don't have the same parts as he does, and I hesitate to tell him because I fear that by explaining the facts of life to him at such a young age he may get inappropriate ideas in his head.

I feel that it is a sign of irresponsible parenting to allow one's children to take off their clothes in public, as it makes them easy targets for pedophiles.

Should I go ahead and tell my son about the facts of life?

- Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned: Because you seem concerned about pedophiles, you should not send your 5-year-old son into the men's room alone.

One reason moms might have their sons change poolside is if they don't want to send them into the men's room unaccompanied. Parents can maintain some privacy in public by holding up a towel and having the boy change behind it or by changing in a stall in the women's bathroom.

The "facts of life" include the fact that boys' and girls' bodies are different. At age 5, your son is understandably curious about this.

Young children should be told proper names for body parts. You don't need to go into detail about the sexual aspects of these differences, but as your son grows up, you should explain sex in a straightforward fashion.

It is your right to maintain whatever modest standards you choose in your own home. If you choose to go to a public pool, where other people have different standards, you should accept their standards, while maintaining your own.

Dear Amy: My husband and I are close friends with another couple. We enjoy going out on the weekends for dinner or drinks with them.

Their daughter just had a baby.

Our friends are the primary babysitters and watch the baby every evening when the kids are at work. When we go out, they bring the baby.

The baby does what babies do and requires the care that babies require. We cannot carry on a conversation with them.

My husband and I love children, but we also like to go out and enjoy adult company. We are not sure how to handle this. Can you help?

- Dinner Without Diapers

Dear Dinner: Your friends need a babysitter. It may sound strange for a babysitter to need a babysitter, but every adult raising a baby needs an occasional break. At night, babies should be sleeping, snug in their little beds and not lugged to an adult dinner.

Tell your friends you love and enjoy the baby, but you'd like to spend some time with only them.

You and your friends should plan both baby-friendly and adult-only outings. If they can't find a sitter, perhaps you and your husband could bring dinner and a movie to their house.

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