Joe Francis sues Brody Jenner's girlfriend Jayde Nicole

Girls Gone Wild honcho/sleazo Joe Francis is countersuing Jayde Nicole after their wannabe Westside Story-esque nightclub rumble that ended in a taser showdown. Question #1: Who is Jayde Nicole? Answer: Brody Jenner's flavor of the week/day/minute. Question #2: Who is Brody Jenner? Answer: You don't want to know.

Earlier this month, Nicole filed a lawsuit against Francis arguing that as a result of the rumble she has suffered "utter emotional distress and humiliation." Aren't those the side effects from dating Jenner? In Francis' countersuit (legal details obtained by tmz.com, thanks, Harvey!) he insists he was "innocently walking through the crowd" (so cute, Francis thinks he knows what "innocently" means) at the unofficial tool hotbed club Guys & Dolls when suddenly an unprovoked Nicole "hit him in the head and threw a drink on him." Perhaps she was paying homage to the founder of wet t-shirt contests? Not so. Apparently Nicole then unleashed the end all and be all drunk girl tagline "I'm going to kill you." Oh-no-she-didn't.

At this point, Francis maintains "in fear and apprehension of being struck a third time and that Nicole was going to carry out her threat to kill him" that Francis had no choice but to pull Nicole's hair in "self-defense." Further, Francis explains that Nicole dropped to the floor not due to Francis' aggressive hair pulling but instead because she "lost her balance on high heels." In Francis' defense, one can't imagine a fate worse than getting killed by Brody Jenner's girlfriend at Guys and Dolls. Chilling. If it did happen though, wouldn't you totally want Ryan Seacrest Productions to produce the memorial show?

Additionally, Francis contends in the suit that Jenner attacked him later that evening "in a jealous rage." The attack ended when a Good Samaritan tasered Jenner and he collapsed, allowing Francis to flee to a waiting escape vehicle.

*Please note in the photo of Francis that he did suffer the most visually troubling injury, a severe spray tan, prior to the attack.